뭔지 모르게 답답할 때면 하릴 없이 그것을 뚫어줄 만한 것이 무엇일까 찾아다니며 방황하게 된다. 사실 그 무언가로 막고 있는 것은 내 마음인데, 무거워진 마음이 몸과 머리를 잡아당기고 있는 것일 뿐인데도 나는 그 해결책을 안이 아닌 밖의 어딘가에서 구하려고만 한다.
남의 발로 내갈 길을 갈 수 없듯이 내 마음의 막혀있음도 내가 뚫어보는 수 밖에 없다. 걱정하지 말자, 몸과 머리와 생각이 하나가 되어 같이 힘을 합치면 안될 것도 없다.

Scribbles

In a place where there is more than you can see
and where nobody cares about your side of the view,
there is always one more insight that makes others squint
bring up a confused look and decide to misunderstand.

At a time when you cannot show everything you have
and when nobody cares about what you have done,
there is always one more experience to add to their idea
of you as a freak, the weird one, and the misunderstood.

when you feel overwhelmed by your own happiness and love

There isn't much to do, just feel what is inside you and share the positive feeling with others.

Imagination

parts and phrases

bumper car 
children 
red and white

first car crash 
husband turns wheel to protect himself
wife becomes handicapped
children die


she speeded towards him
attempting to kill him in the process.
She died. He lived. At the last moment the car seemed to slip to the side while the man jumped off towards the middle of the road. Falling to the ground looking back he could see the red car crash into the near by tree

Vapor from the o curls around the pearl white suv  

Rough draft

  "Salud! Hey there lady, come scooch over here, and I'll give you a buck!" the man yells at the tightly dressed woman bathed in colored lights swirling around the karaoke light. His voice seems to slither over the loud music coming out from the stereo into the ears of the tight lipped woman who gradually uncrosses her legs and gives him a glance. The man seems to like the coyness of the woman, it excites him. The woman, on the other hand, lets out a short sigh. A sigh to be silenced by the noise. "Oh, I get it, a buck is not enough. Then how about three bucks! How do you like that?" The woman is tired of dealing with these charity cases night by night. She can see the same look seldom seen in the face of her father, lost, helpless, lonely. The man is still calling for her while she moves toward him. On aproaching the man, slowly, she leans and whispers into his ear. "Come with me."

  The man, extremely drunk, decides to follow her out of the room. His colleagues are busy flirting with the other ladies in the room-saron vigorously laughing their troubles away. He thinks about setting a hand on her hip. He hesitates for a moment, he thinks of his daughter at home. The man falls into a trance thinking about his beloved daughter. His 24 year old daughter Sumi and the woman he is following seems to have a faint similarity. She looks just her age-although the youth is covered under heavy cosmetics, same long hair tied into a bun, the tight lips... Just like her mother. The facial muscles between his eyebrows start to tighten up as he thinks of his ex-wife, how they parted. The night of their twentieth anniversary, she decides to leave him. "Oh, just get a life and please stop ruining mine." he remembers that piercing voice she let out before she left the house and him behind. Regretting the fact that he recalled that dreadful memory he grunts painfully.

  "Hey, I've been thinking about it since I saw you... How about we go somewhere quiet and have a little talk?" The woman suggests with a seduce-for-business tone. The man's face lightens up while a hint of sorrow remains. He gives the woman a nod and takes a short look back at the room they came from. "I'm sure those men will have a little fun of their own, so why don't we go out and deal with some serious business." The man likes the woman's attitude and flings his arm around her shoulders with a satisfied look. The woman takes a glance at him in the elevator. He seemed to be walking alright but his eyelids are drooping down.

  As they walk out of the building the bright lights of Jongro greet them like sunshine. The woman thinks about taking him to a 24-7 cafe first, to get him some coffee, so that he doesn't drowse out on the job. "Yeobo, I need some morning coffee. Mirae, get me a cup." The man mumbles. The woman, a bit irritated by his drunkness and the weight she had carrying on her shoulder, shifts away from him, leaving his left arm to drop down to his sides. She replies, "My name is Narae, I'll get you some coffee. Stay here for a minute." Leaving him on a bench the woman runs toward the nearest coffee shop on the corner. Watching the woman trot away the man leans over to his side. He is still thinking about his wife and child while the thoughts flow to what he had done to them, what he had not done for them. What should he do for himself? He is clueless. He wishes somebody would think for him instead. Then his life wouldn't have turned out like this. He regrets but refuses to think. Thinking is not something for a salesman to do. Working is his only obligation. Money is his only value. Money for family. Money for his daughter's tuition, his elderly mother in the nursing home, consolation for his ex-wife. 'Consolation, what a weird word, like she can get something out of the money that I could not give. Something that we had failed to find in our relationship seems to be replenished by that consolation money.' He feels empty. He had always been empty but at least he had someone by his side. Now he is alone, midst the bright lights and chattering people, he is dark, gloomy and cold alone.
  The woman comes back with a latte, the scent of coffee grinds fills his nostrils. "Thanks," says the man while he takes the coffee in his hands and takes a sip. He thinks about something to say to break the silence in between them. Before he thinks it over his mouth is moving, making sounds that he would never make if he were sober. Some words, again, meant for his wife. "This may sound a little awkward, but right now, all I have is you. I love you. So let's have a night" The woman smiles as she receives her check and the two head to motel where both get their consolation.

Purple

You can see a lot of purple lately on the street.
one time two middle aged womem went by laughing away with their purple jumpers on.
Then another ladie with a purple sweater goes by.
And next a woman with a purple knit hat goes by.